What do I want? I asked myself this very important question this morning as I sat in my meditation. A meditation based on Grace and how to align your Soul with your Self (By Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey). A meditation I began only after I had already taken the dogs out, watered the garden, picked up the poop, made a pot of coffee, checked my emails and mindlessly scrolled through my instagram comparing myself to so many other artists, a habit that leaves me discouraged and defeated. Why do I do this? What do I want? Why do I look for more followers on social media and why is it important to me? Why do I judge myself based on people that have thousands of followers and really awesome websites and super cool online art classes and successful Etsy stores? What do I really want?
Well as I meditated on Grace I suddenly felt gratitude, so very grateful that I get to paint and create everyday, that I don't need (although it would be fun) to have thousands of followers in order to get to do that. That I don't need thousands of people to sign up for my classes or buy my art (although it would be fun) in order to eat and live. I get to do this because I want to, because it brings me great joy to make pretty things and to make things pretty.
I was suddenly so grateful for these amazing artists who are posting and creating and making wonderful classes and finding so many followers so that I can see that anything is possible. So that I can see that I am an artist only because I paint and create every day. So that I can see that being a star on social media doesn't make me an artist. In fact I realized that it really should be the other way around, being an artist should make me a star on social media and if it does, that's cool however, if it doesn't it does not define who I am and ultimately in the big picture it really doesn't matter. I get to do what I love and when I take away the grand illusion it all just boils down to who I know I am, what brings me joy and my true loving desire to better myself and humanity the best way I can in my process.
As I slowly opened my eyes, I looked around, snuggled my little dogs, and bebopped to my art studio realizing that I already have everything I want. I am a happy girl.
Tomorrow I am going to start my day with the meditation.